I can’t get stay silent on this common misconception
Hey friend.
Here’s a little note about how my week is going.
I watched “Thursday Murder Club” on Netflix and thought it was a fun romp through senior assisted living in the UK with a twist of murder mystery. 🔪
My favorite meal so far has been Vietnamese tofu fried rice from Saigon Deli where the food is so delicious that both kids ate real adult entrées. 🍜
And the funniest thing I saw on the internet was Why No One in China Is Eating Mooncakes. With Mid-Autumn festival around the corner, I’m ready to eat a few mooncakes myself. 🥮
I bet if I asked you to hit reply and tell me what you watched, ate, and laughed about this week it would be totally different than my list.
That’s because the 3 things above have been my opinions…
So here’s another one. (And it might be a little unpopular when it comes to people who love busting life myths, like I know you do.)
Even though mainstream parenting advice is all about fixing the children’s behavior, I believe kids don’t need fixing, it’s the parents who need to be fixed 💯✖️ more.
People think kids are intentionally misbehaving, but what’s actually happening is parents are misunderstanding and then spazzing out due to their own triggers, which in turn causes kids to “act out” even more to defend themselves, and then the cycle goes on and on. 🔄
How do I do know this is true? Well, I’ve lived it myself:
My recent learning experience on how to skillfully manage my kids screen time showed me that my own disregulation around my screen use and self-worth were causing me to explode at them, causing conflict and strife. When I approached the situation with calmness and confidence, I was able to set boundaries that were respectfully followed.
Last year when I read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I learned that I wasn’t created broken or a bad kid. Actually it was that I was raised by people who acted in ways that made it nearly impossible to develop innate self-worth. Only through maturing into a whole-hearted parent, could I then heal the wounded inner child and feel good about myself.
I’ve never felt more connected to and conflict free with my family than I do now. It’s when I stopped viewing my children as my puppets to mold into my life trophies 🏆 which would show people how great I was. Rather I learned how to accept them as kindred souls passing through me and how to teach them life skills with unconditional love.
Remember, when you point a finger 🫵🏼 at someone, there are 3 more pointing right back at you, and that applies to all areas of life, like parenting and organizing. Think about when you wanted to lecture someone about their bad behavior or their messiness, what was really going inside you? Were you actually triggered to react because their “mistake” reminded you about the shame or guilt you felt about a similar “oopsie” in the past? 😫
Look, we all fall short and act spontaneously in ways we regret, because we are human! What elevates us into higher conscious living is taking responsibility and repairing the damage through a sincere apology, especially to the children who deserve to be raised by our best selves.
So dear reader…
What do you think? Agree or disagree?
Hit submit and let me know. As always, I want to know your thoughts.
Cheers,
Joy
Respark Joy Coaching
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